Bittersweet.

It's tearing me up. I never thought it would be like this. To compete against the people you hold so dear to your heart. To watch them hurt so badly. It brings tears to my eyes to see the people I look up to most in my life in pain... And to watch my own words being turned on me, stripping them of their intention and branding them with an ugly mark. I want to do something about it, but because of the circumstances, others who have no idea how I'm feeling, see my actions as inappropriate. Condescending. 

Am I unable to say what I want to say to a FRIEND because of the conditions? Unconditional friendship to me means unconditional friendship. We're friends before anything else, and I'll be damned if I sit on the sidelines and watch them burn in sorrow.  

I could hold my tongue. Would that make me more sincere? Would that bring my friends any relief? It's true... I know nothing about the pain they feel... but would I hold my tongue if my friend lost an arm? I wouldn't. I couldn't. 

To those who I've tried to comfort. I'm sorry if I've made things worse. I'm sorry if I haven't taken this gracefully. But I love you and I couldn't imagine my life without the light that you bring to it. 

Friends. THEN staffers. Don't ever forget it. I would give my spot in the blink of an eye if it was to compromise what we have. On that you can trust me.

                                                                                              -Alek